Spiraling While Waiting for a Text
I could write BOOKS about this concept. I have probably spent—wasted—years of my life in this state.
I remember once when I was first dating a guy I really liked, who just wasn’t very communicative. I would wake up, excited to hear from him. The first few hours of the day would generally be ok. I would go about my day. By noon, I would be a little worried. Constantly checking the phone. By 1pm, I would be a bit irritated. I would go to instagram and see if he posted anything. I would try to force myself to do something else, to distract myself, but I would end up checking my phone every few minutes.
Then I would get a text. THE EXCITEMENT!! I look down, it’s from my friend Katie. I instantly start to hate Katie a bit. That excitement, followed by that level of disappointment. So then I go into my settings, and I put my crush on Do Not Disturb. That way, I won’t have to experience this again. I also put my phone on silent.
Maybe 125 seconds go by, I check my phone. I unlock and see if I have any texts. Nothing. I try to force myself to do something else. Something to distract me. Something to get me off my phone. It might last 5 minutes. I go back to checking my phone.
This cycle goes on for hours. With each passing hour, I get more irritated. Around 3pm, I start pulling tarot cards. I desperately hope for the “good cards” as some kind of reassurance that he actually is into me. Around 5pm I BLOCK HIM. Is there anything more cringe than blocking someone who isn’t even contacting you? Like what exactly is the point here?
In my mind, I guess I was hoping he would text, see the text not go through, and then HE would start spiraling. The blocking only lasted a few minutes…but that sentiment lasted: why am I over here, spiraling, wasting my entire day, because I’m not getting a text message; while he is out there just living his life, likely not even thinking about me? Why does it feel like my entire world is crumbling, like the ONLY thing I can think about is this man?
I’ve been in this state many, many, times. Probably the worst iteration of it was the beginning of 2019, when my ex (we call him “the comedian”) and I broke up. We broke up right after NYE, and it was kind of my fault- I got drunk & picked a fight. I was desperate to get back together. I put him on such a pedestal, and I was so mortified by my behavior. I was convinced we were meant to be together, and I was convinced he would text or call eventually. I just had to wait.
January 2019 was probably the hardest month of my life. I wasn’t even mourning the end of the relationship because I was too busy spiraling over the lack of communication. I was too busy checking & refreshing my phone.
That break up ended up leading to sooo much growth & healing, which I am forever grateful for, but the spiraling over communication still lingered. Even when I started dating in June 2020, I was still suffering from this. It took close to another year, but I finally was able to get to the root, and heal it. I finally got to a place where I was less obsessed with romance in general. Where my entire sense of self-worth didn’t depend on whether my love interest was showering me with attention.
I created a course that distills exactly how I healed. It takes everything that did work for me, and omits everything that didn’t. This course is exactly what I wish I had in 2019. It will help you feel safe, secure, and stable. It will help you get to be the one who just lives their life. You never have to spiral again. You never have to waste your energy again. You get to be the secure, stable. happy, relaxed queen you actually are on the inside. Step into it!
